Morale Boosters

Things I do when I’m feeling sad:

  • Create new food recipes in my head, to save for a later date.
  • Bake peanut butter cookies.
  • Phone one of my best friends, they always say the right things to cheer me up.
  • Watch one of the early Harry Potter films.
  • Read a new book.
  • Get off the Internet for a while.
  • Channel my emotions into words and create something brilliant.
  • Tidy/rearrange/redecorate my bedroom.
  • Have a nap.
  • Make a list.
  • Watch a sit-com.
  • Have a bubble bath, paint my nails, have a pampering session.
  • Look up cheap flights to random places.
  • Go through my baby photos/videos.
  • Talk to my mum.
  • Try on my clothes.
  • Go for a long walk.
  • Listen to some soft pop music, such as Vance Joy and Jack Johnson.
  • Drink a can of Dr Pepper.
  • Put on fluffy socks.
  • Make plans for themed parties.
  • Plan my future wedding.
  • Go to the cinema, with someone, alone, it doesn’t matter.
  • Eat jaffa cakes.
  • Drink some herbal tea.

Original Poem: UNREQUITED


In this fictional world she lived in, I was
a lonely ice cube in her Long Island ice tea.

She was a passing snowstorm
and I a simple snowflake.

She was a hurricane
and I a gentle gust of wind.

She would shout and I would whisper.
She would bawl and I would shed
maybe one tear, one tear too many
and she could talk a mile a minute
and I could sometimes
speak no words at all.

She was the Blair to my Serena,
the Thelma to my Louise,
the Monica to my Rachel.

Except I loved her with everything,
everything I ever had. But all I ever was
was a twinkling star in her entire galaxy.
Just a little crater on her
luminous moon.

Bye Bye Self-Hatred

I was thirteen when the self-loathing started. Surrounded by a sea of pre-pubescent bodies, some of the girls at my school had already started to get womanly curves and managed to lose all their puppy fat, whilst I hid myself in baggy jumpers to hide the rolls on my stomach.

Who taught me to hate the way I look? As a thirteen year old, I could fake my way through everything. I could binge eat with my friends and then stick two fingers down my throat later to rid myself of the toxins. But you see, I hated exercise, and I loved to eat. So that seemed to be the only solution for me.

Wearing glasses already made me stand out anyway, and then I started to self-harm, which made me an even bigger freak than usual. I fell out with my friends a lot for being different, and so I would find myself constantly trying out new ways to fit in. I had (and still have) stretch marks on my thighs and stomach, and finally, at aged 22, I am saying No More Hate.

I can’t look at myself in disgust anymore. Sure I’m not a size 8, sure I’m not toned to perfection. My body is covered in scars and tattoos and marks but my body tells a story. It’s so hard to look at yourself in the mirror and want to cry everyday, so change your opinion. Change your thought process. Change your ideals. You are a piece of art and goddamn it, you deserve to be admired.

I decided to stop reading those trashy magazines that tell you what size you should be and what pretty is. I decide to not care that my breasts resemble that of a small child’s. I am ignoring all my self-harms scars. In fact, I think it is time that I embrace them. I was sad for the longest time, but I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to hate myself anymore. Hating myself was tiring, and I deserve some rest.

I’m aware that I’m not perfect. I’m aware that my stomach sometimes hangs over the waistband of my underwear. I’m aware that I don’t have a thigh gap. I’m aware that I have scars all over my legs and that I bruise like a peach. Most of the time my make up ends up smudged down my face. AND THAT’S OKAY.

I look at my best friend’s. All our faces, bodies, personalities and hearts are so different that it is impossible to compare myself to them. Each one of my best friends is beautiful in their own fantastic way. And so am I. It is okay to love yourself, because how the hell is someone else supposed to love you if you don’t love yourself first?

It isn’t an overnight change. Sometimes it could take weeks, months, years. But this journey is yours and no one can take that away from you.

And of course, you’re still going to feel insecure from time to time, that’s a given, but as soon as you change your perception of what beauty is, and start putting yourself first, the less frequent those low days will become.

So throw away those trashy magazines that tell you that you aren’t pretty, thin, happy enough. FUCK THEM.

Change your role models too, anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is not someone you should look up to.

Exit that toxic relationship that makes you question your self worth.

Forgive your 13 year old self for her self-hatred.

Say goodbye to your self hatred.

The only opinion that’s important is yours, and the more positive it is, the better your life will look from both inside and out.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are important.

It has taken me 22 years to get this far, so I know you can do this.

La La Land: a review


Have you ever seen a film or read a book or heard a song that COMPLETELY CHANGED YOUR LIFE? BECAUSE LA LA LAND IS THAT FILM FOR ME.

Sorry, I’m getting excited. I just loved this movie so much. The narrative follows Mia (Emma Stone) and Seb (Ryan Gosling) throughout the seasons (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall) and their chance encounters until finally they become the WORLD’S MOST AWESOME POWER COUPLE OF ALL TIME!

I don’t want to give away too much, because it’s still a relatively new movie, but everything about this film is amazing. The ending!!! Just, the ending!!!!

I mean, even the frickin’ movie poster is incredible.

It’s set in what is made to look like late 1920’s Hollywood, with the addition of iPhones, so still not too sure what year the film is set in. but the era of Jazz is dying out! And Seb wants to save it! But Keith (John Legend) wants to change the jazz sound! It’s all very exciting and I can’t form constructive sentences because all I can think of is Jazz music and tap dancing and all the beautiful clothes the cast were wearing.

If you like bold colours, beautiful music and flawlessly acting- watch this film.

I’ve always said that Jazz music is an underrated art so with any luck this film will shed some light on it and make it popular again.

I left the cinema in a daze, because my head was in the clouds and I was singing the songs from the film.

Even though the story didn’t end the way I wanted it to, I can understand why it had to end the way that it did. Nothing about this musical screams cheesy, so the ending needed to reflect that, and not be predictable.

But thank you, thank you for this film. You deserve all the Oscar’s.

Original Poem: To The Girl Who Loves You Next

I hope you know that when he says
‘five minutes’ – he means fifteen.
And his favourite colour is blue,
kind of, it’s actually mostly green.
But never tell him when he is wrong,
because he isn’t keen to admit
things like that, he’s stubborn too,
you just have to get on with it.
I hope you listen when he is sad.
It’s not often, he doesn’t like to cry,
because his tears taste like salt to him
and he’ll never tell you why.
He’ll never cook you dinner, but
it’s definitely for the best, as his
specialty is tea and toast, and sometimes
fresh lemonade, but not the kind to fizz.
I hope you enjoy the music he shows you
because they’ll contain his every thought.
He’ll teach you about your own self worth,
even though this cannot be taught.
And i hope you know how lucky
you are, to have him all the time.
Some of us don’t have the luxury
of saying ‘oh yeah, he’s mine’.

And Even Though // original poem

And even though

I wrap myself up in the scent you left behind,
intertwined beneath your bed sheets
and even though you aren’t here anymore
the smell of you lingers so pleasantly
through my entire being.

And even though it hurts so much
being without you, I can’t stand
the thought of losing
the only thing you left behind,
so I stay there,
wrapped up in your dirty laundry.

And I miss the way we used to be,
a tangle of fingers, and thumbs,
and sloppy kisses, and naked bodies.
Like how you used to get your hands
caught in my hair in the frantic manor
in which we made love.

When things turned sour,
I thought I’d never again
see the glorious sunshine,
even as it poured through my open window.

I cried for you every single night for a year.
I could have picked anyone and I’d still choose you.
You are the reason I breathe.

I lay in your musk, sweat, aura and
clutch at the memory of what used to be,
of you and of me.

I still roll around between your silky sheets
and wait for your return,
even if I’m waiting years.

And even though things may hurt,
I still leave a little something,
for underneath your tree.

How to be single:

This is my guide to dating at the age of 22, not single and alone, single and dating and having fun and being careless and free ad excited all the time.

  • Date outside of your friendship group: honestly I cannot stress this enough, and take it from someone who knows what they’re talking about. It is so exciting to meet new people, but you have to give yourself a chance to meet them, and stay away from the people you already know.
  • Delete your tinder profile: that goes without saying though, right? If you’re looking for something more than hooking up, Tinder is not the way forward.
  • Delete your ex’s number: calling them every time you’re drunk only screams that you’re emotionally unavailable, so delete their number and kick their ass to the curb!
  • Let go of past relationship issues: bringing your trust issues and anger at your ex into a new relationship is a recipe for disaster. 
  • Don’t have sex on the first date: just don’t. You need to have an air of mystery about you, I usually wait 5-7 dates, depending on how I feel about the other person. Some other people I only only wait for 3 dates. 
  • Don’t date your siblings friends or your friends siblings: that just puts your sibling or your friend in an awkward position, because what if it doesn’t work out?
  • Try new things that will help you meet new people: such as rock climbing, ice skating etc. This will help you learn a new skill AND meet singles who like to do the same things. 
  • Go to singles nights: they might seem lame, but you meet new people who will want the same things as you.
  • Date someone who isn’t your usual ‘type’: plus let’s face it, that’s probably where you’ve been going wrong for most of your dating life.
  • Organise a group date with you and a couple you know: the couple would know who would be good for you, and the group date makes it feel less date-y, so you both feel less pressure.
  • Ask a friend to set you up: but only one who really knows you, or else you could get stuck with someone who is totally wrong for you, but feel pressured to keep up the pretence since your friend worked so hard to find them for you.
  • Delete that guys number who only wants to see you at 2am: did Ted Moseby teach you nothing? Nothing good ever happens after 2am. Delete the number.
  • Just, put yourself out there: people are drawn into approachable people, so just make sure you’re trying.

Hope these work out for some of you. I’ll let you know if they work for me.

The Friend Zone: what is it?

What is the ‘friend zone’ and why is it such a foreign concept to me?

Does the ‘friend zone’ actually exist, or is it just something that people make up because somebody doesn’t want to date them?

I think that girls and guys handle rejection so differently. If I’m pursuing someone, but they don’t feel the same way, I might cry into a bowl of ice cream and then move on from it. However, if a guy is pursuing a girl, but she doesn’t feel the same way, he accuses her of ‘leading him on’ because he’s in the ‘friend zone.’

Who created this concept of the ‘friend zone?’ Why can’t people just be friends? Someone can be nice to me, and I don’t assume they want to sleep with me, but if the shoe is on the other foot, someone may only be nice to me because they think I’ll sleep with them in return.

So, tell me, do you only befriend me with the hopes of getting into my pants? The joke is on you, because I’m awesome, regardless of if I am sleeping with you or not.

Essentially, the term doesn’t exist. It is made up, fraudulent, something millenials came up with, but sometimes the need to categorise things is so strong. For arguments sake, let’s say there are 5 categories related to the ‘friend zone’.

  • 1) Someone may be in the ‘friend zone’ because one member of the party is in a relationship. If both members of the party were single, then there is a strong chance that they would hook up. So maybe, you’re in the ‘friend zone’ because the other person isn’t ready to be with you yet, in which case they are keeping you on their Hook (which is for another day, another blog post.)
  • 2) I’m just not attracted to you, but you’re cool so I like to spend time with you anyway. This mostly common in standard friendships, but relating to a previous blog post of mine, if one or both members of the friendship is good looking, charming and funny, the other person will have thought about them in a romantic way, even if just for a split second. Now that is certainly different than befriending someone because you want to bone them. That is wanting to bone someone because you’re friends with them, and you’ve seen how amazing the other person is.
  • 3) I put you in the ‘friend zone’ because we work together/have classes together/are in the same friendship group and it would be SUPER awkward if we hooked up. This one is very common, and it is very sensible to avoid any awkwardness and to keep the friendship at arms length to avoid any confrontation or complications.
  • 4) We aren’t the same culture or religion, so my family would never accept us. this one is more of a respect thing to your parents, and something I have never had to deal with.
  • 5) We are basically family. And I don’t mean ‘you’re like a brother to me’ I mean, we grew up together, side by side, shared baths together and it would literally be like incest if we dated. However, these things are usually mutual, and there fore the ‘friend zone’ doesn’t occur.

With the above statements, and special shout out to TJ for his brilliant words of wisdom, all it takes to ruin these friendships is one too many shots of tequila and a night of regret to follow. So you have to ask yourself, does this mean we’re friends? Or do we actually want more from each other, which is why we keep the other around?

And then we have the worst term in the world: fuckboys. (Sorry for the swear.)

Fuckboys are notorious for being unable to communicate with a girl until after midnight, they usually have a girlfriend or a piece on the side, and end most of their text messages with a wink emoji.

But don’t lie, everyone has a favourite.

I’ll do a separate post on why I think fuckboys are important at a later date, but for now, thank you for tuning in, and please feel free to leave a comment on what you think of the ‘friend zone’.

I lost my Christmas Spirit :(

How to get into the Christmas spirit:

The obvious ones are: Christmas scented candles, the decorations, the movies, the music, but what are the less obvious ones? The ones that make you feel like Christmas isn’t being shoved down your throat?

Maybe having a get together with your friends/family that you don’t get to see too often.

Some people may need to go to a church service or carols by candlelight or tree lighting ceremony to feel Christmassy.

Baking Christmas cookies, building gingerbread houses, all these sorts of things can get you into the Christmas mood.

And failing that, surround yourself with a young child, who still has every hope ahead of them, who still believes in Father Christmas and still has a beautiful light inside of them. There is nothing I am going to miss more than taking the children I nanny to see Father Christmas in his grotto.

I love love LOVE making Christmas decorations with the kids. Last week we made our own snow globes. And soon we’ll be building gingerbread houses and baking Christmas logs for a friendly competition.

And I might be alone with this but I always feel completely satisfied when all my presents are wrapped for my friends and family.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoyed Christmas more when I was a child, because I enjoyed having it thrown down my throat, despite being absolutely terrified of Father Christmas.

I think I’ve just decided that I don’t enjoy Christmas anymore. And I don’t know how to get my childhood back. Maybe a visit to Christmas Tree Lane will help me get my Christmas Spirit back.

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