The Friend Zone: what is it?

What is the ‘friend zone’ and why is it such a foreign concept to me?

Does the ‘friend zone’ actually exist, or is it just something that people make up because somebody doesn’t want to date them?

I think that girls and guys handle rejection so differently. If I’m pursuing someone, but they don’t feel the same way, I might cry into a bowl of ice cream and then move on from it. However, if a guy is pursuing a girl, but she doesn’t feel the same way, he accuses her of ‘leading him on’ because he’s in the ‘friend zone.’

Who created this concept of the ‘friend zone?’ Why can’t people just be friends? Someone can be nice to me, and I don’t assume they want to sleep with me, but if the shoe is on the other foot, someone may only be nice to me because they think I’ll sleep with them in return.

So, tell me, do you only befriend me with the hopes of getting into my pants? The joke is on you, because I’m awesome, regardless of if I am sleeping with you or not.

Essentially, the term doesn’t exist. It is made up, fraudulent, something millenials came up with, but sometimes the need to categorise things is so strong. For arguments sake, let’s say there are 5 categories related to the ‘friend zone’.

  • 1) Someone may be in the ‘friend zone’ because one member of the party is in a relationship. If both members of the party were single, then there is a strong chance that they would hook up. So maybe, you’re in the ‘friend zone’ because the other person isn’t ready to be with you yet, in which case they are keeping you on their Hook (which is for another day, another blog post.)
  • 2) I’m just not attracted to you, but you’re cool so I like to spend time with you anyway. This mostly common in standard friendships, but relating to a previous blog post of mine, if one or both members of the friendship is good looking, charming and funny, the other person will have thought about them in a romantic way, even if just for a split second. Now that is certainly different than befriending someone because you want to bone them. That is wanting to bone someone because you’re friends with them, and you’ve seen how amazing the other person is.
  • 3) I put you in the ‘friend zone’ because we work together/have classes together/are in the same friendship group and it would be SUPER awkward if we hooked up. This one is very common, and it is very sensible to avoid any awkwardness and to keep the friendship at arms length to avoid any confrontation or complications.
  • 4) We aren’t the same culture or religion, so my family would never accept us. this one is more of a respect thing to your parents, and something I have never had to deal with.
  • 5) We are basically family. And I don’t mean ‘you’re like a brother to me’ I mean, we grew up together, side by side, shared baths together and it would literally be like incest if we dated. However, these things are usually mutual, and there fore the ‘friend zone’ doesn’t occur.

With the above statements, and special shout out to TJ for his brilliant words of wisdom, all it takes to ruin these friendships is one too many shots of tequila and a night of regret to follow. So you have to ask yourself, does this mean we’re friends? Or do we actually want more from each other, which is why we keep the other around?

And then we have the worst term in the world: fuckboys. (Sorry for the swear.)

Fuckboys are notorious for being unable to communicate with a girl until after midnight, they usually have a girlfriend or a piece on the side, and end most of their text messages with a wink emoji.

But don’t lie, everyone has a favourite.

I’ll do a separate post on why I think fuckboys are important at a later date, but for now, thank you for tuning in, and please feel free to leave a comment on what you think of the ‘friend zone’.


The types of friend you have in your 20s…

The party girl: this is the girl who is always up for a night out. She gets you into all the cool, hip bars and is essentially the best wing woman you could ever have.

The guy you should be dating: this is the guy you have been friends with for so long but should be romantically involved with. You guys hang out for extended periods of time and can cuddle without thinking anything of it. Lock it in before it is too late. 

The friend of a friend: these are the people that you see at parties because you have the same mutuals. You may be friends on Facebook it that doesn’t mean you are ~friends~. 

The friend who has the same hobbies as you: this is the person you can do things with, such as see live music or a sporting event because you have the same hobbies. No one thinks it is weird that you hang out so much because you have so much in common. 

The friend who prefers to stay in: this is the friend you need to keep close to you. When you have spent too much money or don’t feel like partying, a girlie night in will always be available with a friend like this in your life. 

The friend you are banging, or would like to be banging: this is a friend that you either have history with, or chemistry with, and you’re either already hooking up, or it’s only a matter of time until you are. Keep this friend around, they’re good for you.

The friend that you kiss when you’re drunk: everyone has one. They are your go to when you have had a drink or need a confidence boost. 

The friend you can do hipster things with: because let’s face it, not a lot of people will go to poetry readings and see French films with you. 

The friend who loves comic books: you met this person at Comiccon and only see them twice a year. 

The friend who is basically family: this person gets invited home for Sunday roasts, and probably texts your mum with the latest gossip. 

The person who tags you in memes: this person is good for one thing, and that’s showing you funny memes that they think you’ll like. 

The friend you see once a year: but when you see each other, it is like no time has passed at all. 

The friend that is always busy: you see this person at birthdays and reunions because they work so much and never sleep.

The friend that mothers you: this person watches over you to make sure you don’t make bad lifestyle choices.

The friend that makes bad lifestyle choices: if you can’t think of who this friend is, chances are it is you. 

The secret to girl and guy friendship

Girl to guy friendships:
      I don’t think that a girl and a guy can be just friends. Maybe in the guy’s case, but definitely not the girls. 
     Let me para phrase. If you have a funny, good looking and charming young man, who is friends with a girl, at one point or another the girl would’ve had liked that guy as more than a friend, even if it was only for a short period of time. Or at the very least, she’s thought about him naked. 
     I suppose it does work in the other way too. If you have a pretty, kind and honest girl as a friend, I suppose a guy would also have felt more than friendship feelings towards her too. 
     From personal experience, I’ve been a girl that temporarily crushed on a friend of mine, and I’ve also been a girl who’s had a friend crush on me. 
      It doesn’t have to be feelings of love. It can honestly only be a quick thought wondering if he’s a good kisser, or is he’s the guy you’re going to marry, etc. 
     My friend Alec told me of this theory, and I can’t deny it. It’s so truthful. 
     And it is very common in film, television and books for relationships to blossom from friendships. Although this is very, very rare. A girl will watch a movie where the two friends end up together and wonder if her life will turn out that way too. Even if it is just a split second thought, it counts.
     Now there is absolutely no need to act upon these feelings. I never have, and my life is much much better for it. If I acted upon every single crush I had, I’d go from relationship to relationship to relationship. And most of the time the feelings won’t be reciprocated, because, well, you’re just friends. 
Let me clarify that this doesn’t happen to EVERY friendship. It is usually only if one person is universally attractive, charming and kind. It is very easy to get wires crossed in scenarios like these. 
     For example: Brenda has been friends with Tom for three years. Tom is a basketball player, with blonde hair, blue eyes and a very intelligent mind. Brenda is quirky, and a little geeky, but very kind and aesthetically pleasing to look at. (I know how shallow it is to rely on looks, but this is just an observation I’ve made in recent discoveries). One day Brenda and Tom are studying, and Tom is chewing on a pencil. Brenda makes eye contact with him, and suddenly is wondering what it would be like to kiss those lips. 
     There are two ways to deal with a situation like that: ignore it, because it is a fleeting emotion and it will pass. Or you can act on it, which will either work out in your favour or it won’t. Romantic comedies have taught women everywhere that it will always work out in the end, which is true, but it just may not work out in the way you’re expecting. 
     So the next time you think you’re ‘in love’ with your best friend, or a close friend, think about it. Because the truth is, you aren’t. And you could potentially destroy the best friendship of your life.
     I could’ve, but thank God I didn’t. 

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