Fuckboys vs Softboys

Fuck boys are lame. Sofboys are worse, and I’m not using that term loosely. The Tab recently posted an article about a ‘SoftBoy’ and I never realised that my ex was the latter.

To be honest, I would rather date a fuck boy because at least they’re up front about what they want.
Softboys are way worse. They’re nice to you, they befriend you, and then accuse you of leading them on if you don’t want to be romantically involved with them. Or, you decide to choose the nice guy for once and they end up being the worst, and dullest, mistake of your life.
So to my ex boyfriend, the soft boy… you assumed that I owed you sex because you saw us as being ‘in a relationship’, despite the fact that we didn’t go on one single date. You spent more time with your friends than me but got mad if I did the same. You slept all the time and smoked too much weed. What happened to the ambitious, proactive and free spirited guy I wanted to spend time with? Why did he disappear after one day? Why did you stop trying?
I do not owe you sex because we are in a relationship. You didn’t do anything productive with me to earn it. You didn’t compromise, you didn’t listen, you didn’t do ANYTHING. So no, I am not obliged to sleep with you just because we are dating. 
I’m tired of dating. I just want my lobster to realise that he’s my lobster, so I can get out of this insane lifestyle, and start the greatest adventure of my life. 


Tinder, glorious Tinder

Tinder is a very toxic way to find love. It isn’t a dating app, it’s a hooking up app, and the sooner you, or anyone, can decipher between the two, the narrower your search is going to be when it comes to love. 

If you aren’t looking for love, and a casual hook up is all you want, good for you. Just make sure you are both using the right forms of contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and the spreading of STI’s. 

I am conducting a social experiment on my tinder profile, where I DON’T talk to my potential matches about sex. Instead, I am going to talk to them about dating, and see who runs away.
Tinder is also a very harsh app. You are basing decisions about someone on 3-5 photos on their profile. 
But that’s okay. You can’t force attraction. So here are some of the reasons that I swipe left:
1. There are other girls in your photos. This, to me, suggests that you are trying to promote yourself as being a player.

2. Your bio is weak.

3. You don’t have a beard, or the ability to grow one (evident from your pictures and your Instagram which I have stalked in order to check.)

4. You have the same name as an ex of mine, or my dad or brother. 

5. You have more than one person in your picture, so I have to click onto your profile to find one of you. It’s very inconvenient.

6. You’re under the age of 20 (it took me weeks to realise I could change my age settings). 

7. Or if you look like you could be under the age of 20.

8. Because I’m just not that attracted to you.

And these are the reasons I will swipe right:

1. If you don’t look like you take yourself too seriously.

2. If you have puppies/kitties/babies in your pictures.

3. If you have tattoos/a beard/a great smile.

4. If you have a good bio. Good constitutes funny, witty, clever.

5. If you look well traveled. 

6. If you dress well in your photos.

7. If you link you Spotify to your account, like I do, I check out your recent plays to see if we would get on musically. 

Tinder is a great way to meet new people, you just need to make sure that you meet people who are on the same page that you are. If you find someone asking for nudes, block them. Block them immediately, no one wants to be taken in by another time waster. 

How to be single:

This is my guide to dating at the age of 22, not single and alone, single and dating and having fun and being careless and free ad excited all the time.

  • Date outside of your friendship group: honestly I cannot stress this enough, and take it from someone who knows what they’re talking about. It is so exciting to meet new people, but you have to give yourself a chance to meet them, and stay away from the people you already know.
  • Delete your tinder profile: that goes without saying though, right? If you’re looking for something more than hooking up, Tinder is not the way forward.
  • Delete your ex’s number: calling them every time you’re drunk only screams that you’re emotionally unavailable, so delete their number and kick their ass to the curb!
  • Let go of past relationship issues: bringing your trust issues and anger at your ex into a new relationship is a recipe for disaster. 
  • Don’t have sex on the first date: just don’t. You need to have an air of mystery about you, I usually wait 5-7 dates, depending on how I feel about the other person. Some other people I only only wait for 3 dates. 
  • Don’t date your siblings friends or your friends siblings: that just puts your sibling or your friend in an awkward position, because what if it doesn’t work out?
  • Try new things that will help you meet new people: such as rock climbing, ice skating etc. This will help you learn a new skill AND meet singles who like to do the same things. 
  • Go to singles nights: they might seem lame, but you meet new people who will want the same things as you.
  • Date someone who isn’t your usual ‘type’: plus let’s face it, that’s probably where you’ve been going wrong for most of your dating life.
  • Organise a group date with you and a couple you know: the couple would know who would be good for you, and the group date makes it feel less date-y, so you both feel less pressure.
  • Ask a friend to set you up: but only one who really knows you, or else you could get stuck with someone who is totally wrong for you, but feel pressured to keep up the pretence since your friend worked so hard to find them for you.
  • Delete that guys number who only wants to see you at 2am: did Ted Moseby teach you nothing? Nothing good ever happens after 2am. Delete the number.
  • Just, put yourself out there: people are drawn into approachable people, so just make sure you’re trying.

Hope these work out for some of you. I’ll let you know if they work for me.

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