I used to love Christmas. It was my second favourite holiday, after Halloween of course. I loved the Christmas lights, the late night shopping evenings, wrapping presents, writing Christmas cards. I loved that the weather gets colder and I can wear my beanie again. I loved Christmas jumpers, and buying my mum presents for her stocking. I loved Christmas coffees and Christmas songs and I loved watching Christmas movies. I used to love walking up Christmas Tree Lane, and singing Christmas carols and winter wonderland.
But now I don’t. All I think about now when I think about Christmas is how lost I feel.
What I don’t love, is feeling depressed, and fat, and low, and stressed and I hate missing people and Christmas reminds me of everyone I’ve lost.
I’m so conflicted about Christmas. I’m so conflicted about life.
How to get into the Christmas spirit:
The obvious ones are: Christmas scented candles, the decorations, the movies, the music, but what are the less obvious ones? The ones that make you feel like Christmas isn’t being shoved down your throat?
Maybe having a get together with your friends/family that you don’t get to see too often.
Some people may need to go to a church service or carols by candlelight or tree lighting ceremony to feel Christmassy.
Baking Christmas cookies, building gingerbread houses, all these sorts of things can get you into the Christmas mood.
And failing that, surround yourself with a young child, who still has every hope ahead of them, who still believes in Father Christmas and still has a beautiful light inside of them. There is nothing I am going to miss more than taking the children I nanny to see Father Christmas in his grotto.
I love love LOVE making Christmas decorations with the kids. Last week we made our own snow globes. And soon we’ll be building gingerbread houses and baking Christmas logs for a friendly competition.
And I might be alone with this but I always feel completely satisfied when all my presents are wrapped for my friends and family.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoyed Christmas more when I was a child, because I enjoyed having it thrown down my throat, despite being absolutely terrified of Father Christmas.
I think I’ve just decided that I don’t enjoy Christmas anymore. And I don’t know how to get my childhood back. Maybe a visit to Christmas Tree Lane will help me get my Christmas Spirit back.