I used to love Christmas. It was my second favourite holiday, after Halloween of course. I loved the Christmas lights, the late night shopping evenings, wrapping presents, writing Christmas cards. I loved that the weather gets colder and I can wear my beanie again. I loved Christmas jumpers, and buying my mum presents for her stocking. I loved Christmas coffees and Christmas songs and I loved watching Christmas movies. I used to love walking up Christmas Tree Lane, and singing Christmas carols and winter wonderland.
But now I don’t. All I think about now when I think about Christmas is how lost I feel.
What I don’t love, is feeling depressed, and fat, and low, and stressed and I hate missing people and Christmas reminds me of everyone I’ve lost.
I’m so conflicted about Christmas. I’m so conflicted about life.