What is the ‘friend zone’ and why is it such a foreign concept to me?
Does the ‘friend zone’ actually exist, or is it just something that people make up because somebody doesn’t want to date them?
I think that girls and guys handle rejection so differently. If I’m pursuing someone, but they don’t feel the same way, I might cry into a bowl of ice cream and then move on from it. However, if a guy is pursuing a girl, but she doesn’t feel the same way, he accuses her of ‘leading him on’ because he’s in the ‘friend zone.’
Who created this concept of the ‘friend zone?’ Why can’t people just be friends? Someone can be nice to me, and I don’t assume they want to sleep with me, but if the shoe is on the other foot, someone may only be nice to me because they think I’ll sleep with them in return.
So, tell me, do you only befriend me with the hopes of getting into my pants? The joke is on you, because I’m awesome, regardless of if I am sleeping with you or not.
Essentially, the term doesn’t exist. It is made up, fraudulent, something millenials came up with, but sometimes the need to categorise things is so strong. For arguments sake, let’s say there are 5 categories related to the ‘friend zone’.
- 1) Someone may be in the ‘friend zone’ because one member of the party is in a relationship. If both members of the party were single, then there is a strong chance that they would hook up. So maybe, you’re in the ‘friend zone’ because the other person isn’t ready to be with you yet, in which case they are keeping you on their Hook (which is for another day, another blog post.)
- 2) I’m just not attracted to you, but you’re cool so I like to spend time with you anyway. This mostly common in standard friendships, but relating to a previous blog post of mine, if one or both members of the friendship is good looking, charming and funny, the other person will have thought about them in a romantic way, even if just for a split second. Now that is certainly different than befriending someone because you want to bone them. That is wanting to bone someone because you’re friends with them, and you’ve seen how amazing the other person is.
- 3) I put you in the ‘friend zone’ because we work together/have classes together/are in the same friendship group and it would be SUPER awkward if we hooked up. This one is very common, and it is very sensible to avoid any awkwardness and to keep the friendship at arms length to avoid any confrontation or complications.
- 4) We aren’t the same culture or religion, so my family would never accept us. this one is more of a respect thing to your parents, and something I have never had to deal with.
- 5) We are basically family. And I don’t mean ‘you’re like a brother to me’ I mean, we grew up together, side by side, shared baths together and it would literally be like incest if we dated. However, these things are usually mutual, and there fore the ‘friend zone’ doesn’t occur.
With the above statements, and special shout out to TJ for his brilliant words of wisdom, all it takes to ruin these friendships is one too many shots of tequila and a night of regret to follow. So you have to ask yourself, does this mean we’re friends? Or do we actually want more from each other, which is why we keep the other around?
And then we have the worst term in the world: fuckboys. (Sorry for the swear.)
Fuckboys are notorious for being unable to communicate with a girl until after midnight, they usually have a girlfriend or a piece on the side, and end most of their text messages with a wink emoji.
But don’t lie, everyone has a favourite.
I’ll do a separate post on why I think fuckboys are important at a later date, but for now, thank you for tuning in, and please feel free to leave a comment on what you think of the ‘friend zone’.