Tinder, glorious Tinder

Tinder, glorious Tinder

Tinder is a very toxic way to find love. It isn’t a dating app, it’s a hooking up app, and the sooner you, or anyone, can decipher between the two, the narrower your search is going to be when it comes to love. 

If you aren’t looking for love, and a casual hook up is all you want, good for you. Just make sure you are both using the right forms of contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and the spreading of STI’s. 

I am conducting a social experiment on my tinder profile, where I DON’T talk to my potential matches about sex. Instead, I am going to talk to them about dating, and see who runs away.
Tinder is also a very harsh app. You are basing decisions about someone on 3-5 photos on their profile. 
But that’s okay. You can’t force attraction. So here are some of the reasons that I swipe left:
1. There are other girls in your photos. This, to me, suggests that you are trying to promote yourself as being a player.

2. Your bio is weak.

3. You don’t have a beard, or the ability to grow one (evident from your pictures and your Instagram which I have stalked in order to check.)

4. You have the same name as an ex of mine, or my dad or brother. 

5. You have more than one person in your picture, so I have to click onto your profile to find one of you. It’s very inconvenient.

6. You’re under the age of 20 (it took me weeks to realise I could change my age settings). 

7. Or if you look like you could be under the age of 20.

8. Because I’m just not that attracted to you.

And these are the reasons I will swipe right:

1. If you don’t look like you take yourself too seriously.

2. If you have puppies/kitties/babies in your pictures.

3. If you have tattoos/a beard/a great smile.

4. If you have a good bio. Good constitutes funny, witty, clever.

5. If you look well traveled. 

6. If you dress well in your photos.

7. If you link you Spotify to your account, like I do, I check out your recent plays to see if we would get on musically. 

Tinder is a great way to meet new people, you just need to make sure that you meet people who are on the same page that you are. If you find someone asking for nudes, block them. Block them immediately, no one wants to be taken in by another time waster. 

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And Even Though // original poem

And even though

I wrap myself up in the scent you left behind,
intertwined beneath your bed sheets
and even though you aren’t here anymore
the smell of you lingers so pleasantly
through my entire being.

And even though it hurts so much
being without you, I can’t stand
the thought of losing
the only thing you left behind,
so I stay there,
wrapped up in your dirty laundry.

And I miss the way we used to be,
a tangle of fingers, and thumbs,
and sloppy kisses, and naked bodies.
Like how you used to get your hands
caught in my hair in the frantic manor
in which we made love.

When things turned sour,
I thought I’d never again
see the glorious sunshine,
even as it poured through my open window.

I cried for you every single night for a year.
I could have picked anyone and I’d still choose you.
You are the reason I breathe.

I lay in your musk, sweat, aura and
clutch at the memory of what used to be,
of you and of me.

I still roll around between your silky sheets
and wait for your return,
even if I’m waiting years.

And even though things may hurt,
I still leave a little something,
for underneath your tree.

How I really feel about Christmas 

I used to love Christmas. It was my second favourite holiday, after Halloween of course. I loved the Christmas lights, the late night shopping evenings, wrapping presents, writing Christmas cards. I loved that the weather gets colder and I can wear my beanie again. I loved Christmas jumpers, and buying my mum presents for her stocking. I loved Christmas coffees and Christmas songs and I loved watching Christmas movies. I used to love walking up Christmas Tree Lane, and singing Christmas carols and winter wonderland. 

But now I don’t. All I think about now when I think about Christmas is how lost I feel.
What I don’t love, is feeling depressed, and fat, and low, and stressed and I hate missing people and Christmas reminds me of everyone I’ve lost.
I’m so conflicted about Christmas. I’m so conflicted about life.

H E L P: writers block 

How to deal with writers block:

I don’t know about my fellow writers on here but recently I’ve been suffering with writers block. I started a few projects this year and suddenly I am unable to finish them, and I’m even struggling to open the documents to psyche myself up to write something. 
I asked my friends for tips, and TBH they weren’t helpful. But here’s what I came up with in my day and a half of thinking.
– Go for a loooong walk.
– Do something you wouldn’t usually do.

– Drink a cup of herbal tea.

– Create a playlist tailored to motivation.

– But have another playlist tailored to relaxing/writing.

– Go to a local coffee shop, plug in your headphones and ignore the rest of the world.

And that is all I came up with. If anyone has any other tips, please leave a comment and help a sister out. 

A friend of mine just sent me a message telling me that Writers Block doesn’t exist, that it is a concept based solely on a lack of motivation. So with that new piece of info, I can add that I get motivated by living in a tidy environment, making a to do list and slapping on an amazing play list to get me in the mood to write some stuff.

Another way I’ve tried to tackle my writers block is to give myself a writing deadline, just like when I was at university, to remind myself of a routine that I used to have when I was studying. 

Hope this post helps y’all : 

How to be single:

This is my guide to dating at the age of 22, not single and alone, single and dating and having fun and being careless and free ad excited all the time.

  • Date outside of your friendship group: honestly I cannot stress this enough, and take it from someone who knows what they’re talking about. It is so exciting to meet new people, but you have to give yourself a chance to meet them, and stay away from the people you already know.
  • Delete your tinder profile: that goes without saying though, right? If you’re looking for something more than hooking up, Tinder is not the way forward.
  • Delete your ex’s number: calling them every time you’re drunk only screams that you’re emotionally unavailable, so delete their number and kick their ass to the curb!
  • Let go of past relationship issues: bringing your trust issues and anger at your ex into a new relationship is a recipe for disaster. 
  • Don’t have sex on the first date: just don’t. You need to have an air of mystery about you, I usually wait 5-7 dates, depending on how I feel about the other person. Some other people I only only wait for 3 dates. 
  • Don’t date your siblings friends or your friends siblings: that just puts your sibling or your friend in an awkward position, because what if it doesn’t work out?
  • Try new things that will help you meet new people: such as rock climbing, ice skating etc. This will help you learn a new skill AND meet singles who like to do the same things. 
  • Go to singles nights: they might seem lame, but you meet new people who will want the same things as you.
  • Date someone who isn’t your usual ‘type’: plus let’s face it, that’s probably where you’ve been going wrong for most of your dating life.
  • Organise a group date with you and a couple you know: the couple would know who would be good for you, and the group date makes it feel less date-y, so you both feel less pressure.
  • Ask a friend to set you up: but only one who really knows you, or else you could get stuck with someone who is totally wrong for you, but feel pressured to keep up the pretence since your friend worked so hard to find them for you.
  • Delete that guys number who only wants to see you at 2am: did Ted Moseby teach you nothing? Nothing good ever happens after 2am. Delete the number.
  • Just, put yourself out there: people are drawn into approachable people, so just make sure you’re trying.

Hope these work out for some of you. I’ll let you know if they work for me.

The Friend Zone: what is it?

What is the ‘friend zone’ and why is it such a foreign concept to me?

Does the ‘friend zone’ actually exist, or is it just something that people make up because somebody doesn’t want to date them?

I think that girls and guys handle rejection so differently. If I’m pursuing someone, but they don’t feel the same way, I might cry into a bowl of ice cream and then move on from it. However, if a guy is pursuing a girl, but she doesn’t feel the same way, he accuses her of ‘leading him on’ because he’s in the ‘friend zone.’

Who created this concept of the ‘friend zone?’ Why can’t people just be friends? Someone can be nice to me, and I don’t assume they want to sleep with me, but if the shoe is on the other foot, someone may only be nice to me because they think I’ll sleep with them in return.

So, tell me, do you only befriend me with the hopes of getting into my pants? The joke is on you, because I’m awesome, regardless of if I am sleeping with you or not.

Essentially, the term doesn’t exist. It is made up, fraudulent, something millenials came up with, but sometimes the need to categorise things is so strong. For arguments sake, let’s say there are 5 categories related to the ‘friend zone’.

  • 1) Someone may be in the ‘friend zone’ because one member of the party is in a relationship. If both members of the party were single, then there is a strong chance that they would hook up. So maybe, you’re in the ‘friend zone’ because the other person isn’t ready to be with you yet, in which case they are keeping you on their Hook (which is for another day, another blog post.)
  • 2) I’m just not attracted to you, but you’re cool so I like to spend time with you anyway. This mostly common in standard friendships, but relating to a previous blog post of mine, if one or both members of the friendship is good looking, charming and funny, the other person will have thought about them in a romantic way, even if just for a split second. Now that is certainly different than befriending someone because you want to bone them. That is wanting to bone someone because you’re friends with them, and you’ve seen how amazing the other person is.
  • 3) I put you in the ‘friend zone’ because we work together/have classes together/are in the same friendship group and it would be SUPER awkward if we hooked up. This one is very common, and it is very sensible to avoid any awkwardness and to keep the friendship at arms length to avoid any confrontation or complications.
  • 4) We aren’t the same culture or religion, so my family would never accept us. this one is more of a respect thing to your parents, and something I have never had to deal with.
  • 5) We are basically family. And I don’t mean ‘you’re like a brother to me’ I mean, we grew up together, side by side, shared baths together and it would literally be like incest if we dated. However, these things are usually mutual, and there fore the ‘friend zone’ doesn’t occur.

With the above statements, and special shout out to TJ for his brilliant words of wisdom, all it takes to ruin these friendships is one too many shots of tequila and a night of regret to follow. So you have to ask yourself, does this mean we’re friends? Or do we actually want more from each other, which is why we keep the other around?

And then we have the worst term in the world: fuckboys. (Sorry for the swear.)

Fuckboys are notorious for being unable to communicate with a girl until after midnight, they usually have a girlfriend or a piece on the side, and end most of their text messages with a wink emoji.

But don’t lie, everyone has a favourite.

I’ll do a separate post on why I think fuckboys are important at a later date, but for now, thank you for tuning in, and please feel free to leave a comment on what you think of the ‘friend zone’.

I lost my Christmas Spirit :(

How to get into the Christmas spirit:

The obvious ones are: Christmas scented candles, the decorations, the movies, the music, but what are the less obvious ones? The ones that make you feel like Christmas isn’t being shoved down your throat?

Maybe having a get together with your friends/family that you don’t get to see too often.

Some people may need to go to a church service or carols by candlelight or tree lighting ceremony to feel Christmassy.

Baking Christmas cookies, building gingerbread houses, all these sorts of things can get you into the Christmas mood.

And failing that, surround yourself with a young child, who still has every hope ahead of them, who still believes in Father Christmas and still has a beautiful light inside of them. There is nothing I am going to miss more than taking the children I nanny to see Father Christmas in his grotto.

I love love LOVE making Christmas decorations with the kids. Last week we made our own snow globes. And soon we’ll be building gingerbread houses and baking Christmas logs for a friendly competition.

And I might be alone with this but I always feel completely satisfied when all my presents are wrapped for my friends and family.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I enjoyed Christmas more when I was a child, because I enjoyed having it thrown down my throat, despite being absolutely terrified of Father Christmas.

I think I’ve just decided that I don’t enjoy Christmas anymore. And I don’t know how to get my childhood back. Maybe a visit to Christmas Tree Lane will help me get my Christmas Spirit back.